The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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