Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
pray to the hookup gods
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