Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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