have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
