You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
