Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
