your thong is hanging out like whoa
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
