at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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