i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
