Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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