Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my liver is dry heaving
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
