i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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