I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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