She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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