I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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