Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
