Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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