he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
