I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
