Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
