There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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