Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So much Jack, so little girl.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
