I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
