nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
