Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
