I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
