Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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