...so i touched it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
