just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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