thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we're making bets on your personal life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
