drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
