Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
