Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
