Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
