Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
