at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
