this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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