where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
