apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
