WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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