I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
