so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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