he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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