A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
