Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
