You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
