So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Found your dick twin last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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