Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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