Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
