He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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