How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
