So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need a beard to bite.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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