My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the condom got lost in my hair
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
