I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
