I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
