This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
